Monday, November 28, 2005

Trace Time

No politics or policy today, I'm just thinking out loud.

Maybe it's the grey days, or my seemingly futile attempt at finding a job, or it might be we're just back from visiting family in that mythic place of warmth and sun, whatever it is, I am struggling to avoid sinking into a deep bitterness.

I don't like bitter, it doesn't feel at all like me -- I'm just mean and have little tolerance for small problems or slightly nutty people. I mentioned that I started this blog as one "productive" attempt to get rid of my cynicism, but instead I just feel like I am losing more and more ground. To get rid of cynical/bitter the last time I had to change almost everything in my life, and I'm starting to think that's what will have to happen once again.

The hard thing is that the more resigned I become to making big changes, the more I find myself mourning loses that haven’t even occurred. I suppose that is how things change. You cry a little bit over what you’re losing, and then lift your head and heart and point yourself in a new direction.

Ironically, KUNI is just beginning a series on change. The first part, of the six part series, details a few of the stages one might experience with change and at the end of the report (needed to burn tape I guess) they play the David Bowie classic Changes. Anyway, I’ll keep listening and, hopefully, learning a few tricks.

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